10 lumberjacksexchange.com
The ultimate porn site for Monty Python fans? Sadly not. The only wood that got chopped up in this sadly deceased site was about 30ft tall and had branches and leaves hanging off it.

9 speedofart.com
Looking for some low-level scat porn in swimming pools? You’re not going to fi nd it here, as this is the portfolio of a music video artist who’s worked with Elton John and Marc Almond, as well as on eleven – eleven! – Cliff Richard vids.

8 mammotherection.com
Size queens and those of you with a prehistoric bestiality fetish, keep those knickers on; this is actually a Canadian scaffolding fi rm. If you like sweaty Canuck arse-crack, on the other hand, it’s highly recommended.

7 powergenitalia.com
Seeking pictures of muscular labia, steroid-enhanced testicles and exercise charts to help you pick up weights with your fanny? Us too – so imagine our disappointment when we discovered this is actually the domain name for the Italian wing of an electricity company. Bah.

6 gotahoe.com
What you’d like (for some bizarre reason) is a forum where rappers talk fondly about explicit encounters with their sexual partners. What you get is actually a tourist site for Lake Tahoe, the Californian ski resort. Sulk.

5 whorepresents.com
If you’re looking for a badly drawn Playboy back tattoo, an ill-fi tting bra top or a gift hamper full of johnnies, you won’t fi nd it here, alas. This is a listings site for Hollywood lawyers, managers and publicists, who are even bigger prostitutes when you think about it.

4 cumstore.co.uk
Looking to become impregnated without going through the tedious rigmarole of penetrative sex, or just something different to put on your toast in the morning? Don’t click here then – it’s a storage company in Cumbria. Having said that, if you live in the area and your fl atmate is making discouraging noises about the fridge being full of sample jars, go there now.

3 lesbocages.com
If you need to keep a kinky Sapphic lover under control, you’re out of luck here – it’s actually a French gardening site (‘les bocages’ means hedged farmland). If you want someone to do a proper job on your bush, however…

2 molestationnursery.com
A Daily Mail headline writer’s wet dream? Thankfully not – it’s a garden centre in New South Wales, Australia. Go back to sending harassing email messages to paediatricians.

1 penisland.net
Sadly, this is not the URL of a pornographic pound shop (Happy Shagger, if you will) or a country worth following in the World Cup, but a site that sells pens. On an island. Presumably.